Reflecting on 4/16/07, 7 Years Later

Seven years have gone by since that horrific morning in Blacksburg.  In some ways it feels like yesterday and in other ways it seems like ages have passed.  That day our son was approaching his first birthday, now he's a second-grader; our daughter, she wasn't even a thought.

I can remember so much of that day, 4/16, a day Hokies everywhere memorialize.  A day we all change our Facebook pictures to the VT ribbon.  A day we pray for the families and friends deeply affected by the loss of loved ones so senselessly.  And a day we all remember where we were and what we felt when we heard the news.

That morning, we were at a Cru staff meeting a few miles from campus when we got a phone call from one of the Moms on our team who was traveling out of town and heard on the radio that there had been a shooting on campus.  Immediately we turned on the TV to see what was going on.  We watched, along with many around the country, as the number of victims rose and rose throughout the day.  There was nothing we could do but watch and pray.

Eventually we decided as a staff team that we should make sure everyone in our movement was accounted for so we began calling students we knew to see if they were OK and asking them about others.  We learned that campus was on lock down and many students had to stay in their classrooms all over campus.  Tracking down students took all day because cell phones were jammed with terrified parents calling to check on their children.

That night we gathered as a movement with a few other Christian ministries on campus to pray.  It was there that I found out that Lauren was missing.  Her best friend hadn't been able to reach her, her roommate hadn't seen her, and she had class in Norris Hall that morning.  Once again, we prayed.

My heart sank when Lauren's best friend, along with a group of students, went to her room only to find that she still wasn't there well into the evening.  We could only think the worst but prayed for the best case scenario.  Maybe she was just injured or was at the hospital with a friend.  After all, this girl loved God.  Surely He would spare her life.  The next day I got a phone call that she was one of the 32.  She was one of 3 students in our movement who were killed that day but the only one I knew personally.

She was the most spiritually mature freshman I have ever met and she loved blessing international students.  In my experience, freshmen rarely jump right into international student ministry.  She was unique, one of a kind, with a deep love for the Lord.  I can still remember her prayers with a group of students 4 days before she was killed.  She praised Jesus saying, "Lord, You are just so awesome! I just love You so much!"

I couldn't help but wonder, "Why, God? Why would you take such a wonderful servant of Yours who would have had such an amazing impact on so many lives?"  I know that through her death, many have heard her testimony and have placed their faith in Christ but I still ask the same question.  I don't have an answer.  I don't believe I ever will on this side of Heaven.  The only comfort I have is what I heard her parents share, that they know she is where she longed to be, in God's presence.  If He gave her the option to come back, there's no way she would do it.

In the midst of these questions and doubts I was expected to lead students who were experiencing the same things.  While dealing with the fact that the deadliest mass shooting happened on my campus in a building where I had a class as a student, it was my job to comfort others, to offer spiritual guidance.  I had to stuff my feelings, my fears, my sorrow.  It was the only way I knew to get by.  One of the guys in my Bible study was in Norris and was saved by the teacher's glance down the hall and the students' quick thinking to barricade the door with a table just before the gunman came to their classroom and shot through the door in attempt to get in.  What did I have to offer him as he processed this terrifying event and the survivor's guilt he felt?  I mostly just listened.  I hope I didn't talk too much.  I honestly remember not knowing what to say or even what questions to ask.  I recommended a counselor.  (Today he's married, expecting his first child, and loves the Lord.  I'm really proud of him.)

Looking back, I'm sure I tried to have super-spiritual answers to everything.  That part is fuzzy in my memory.  I think I passed along a John Piper article about the problem of evil.  I felt helpless in a desperate situation to try to help others when I really needed help, myself.

The tears finally flowed on Thursday night at our weekly meeting.  I couldn't stuff it down any more.  It was essentially a memorial service with an open mic for anyone to share about students who were killed on Monday.  Hearing students share about Lauren touched me deeply and I let it all out, there in a room full of people.  I just didn't care what people thought.  (Where did I get this idea that to be a man means you don't cry anyway?  Thanks, media.)

The shootings began to open my eyes to the harsh reality that suffering is part of this life.  It doesn't matter how much you pray, how much money you give, how often you share your faith, or what kind of job you have - suffering happens.  In my head I knew this - of course, the Bible says that we'll suffer.  After all, Matthew 5:45 says, "He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." But in my heart I believed that if I dotted all my i's and crossed all my t's then God would keep the rain away.  

4 days after the shooting, my grandmother passed away.  More sorrow.  More rain.  More questions, "Why now?"  So instead of going to Lauren's funeral on Sunday, I attended my grandmother's.  The contrast was, and still is, crazy to me.  The loss of young lives cut short and the celebration of a life well lived.  Still, the sadness piled up.

Within the next year our suffering would continue as we lost 2 children to miscarriages.  This time the pain was closer, more personal than before.  Once again, I thought, "Why, God?  What have I done to deserve this?"  I was mad at God and told Him so.  But when He felt far off, He was right there.  Over the months that turned to years, I'm seeing that God doesn't give us what we deserve.  If He did, we wouldn't have all the blessings we experience.  I deserve the punishment that Jesus endured for me on the cross.  Writing this is a good reminder for me with Good Friday coming up in a couple days.

I'm seeing glimpses of how He has used these difficult things in my life to connect my head to deeper places within my heart.  I do a lot of thinking but rarely know what I'm feeling.  I'm also seeing how much of a control freak I am, working so hard to avoid any kind of pain.  I'm beginning to learn that control is just an illusion, albeit one that I still fight for.  Even more, He has shown me my propensity towards legalism and how I was treating Him like a divine Santa Clause who I expected to grant my every wish.  But He desires more than that.  He wants a relationship with me.  God deserves to be more than a checklist.  I want more than that too.  I want it to be real, not just some formula to get what I want now and eternal bliss when I die.  I want in on the divine mystery.  If God really lives inside of me all the time, if He really did everything the Bible says, then the Christian life is about more than checking off boxes.  It's deep, it's life changing, it's real.  It's freedom.

Today I can thank God for the hard times but I still grieve for the 32 families and hundreds of students who were more deeply impacted by the shootings at Virginia Tech than I was.  My heart breaks for them and I pray that they can somehow trust God without knowing why.  I don't expect to ever know the answer.  Maybe we'll find out when we see Him face to face.  Maybe we won't.  My desire for myself and for everyone who hurts is for the suffering to refine us all into the people who God has made us to be.  May we all remove the masks of performance, let go of control, and trust God to love us, hold us, and lead us.  May we all be free.

neVer forgeT

March Update: CARE for AIDS

Every 16 seconds, someone in Sub-Saharan Africa will die from HIV and AIDS. Two friends from a Cru Bible study at Vanderbilt, Justin and Nick, heard God’s call to bring hope to the victims of this epidemic.  

While Justin was in college, he began to understand the grave problem of HIV and AIDS in Africa.  On a trip to Kenya, he met two local pastors who had a vision for how they could mobilize the churches in their country to care for people in need.  However, they lacked the resources and organizational skills necessary to launch an effective movement.  

On the same trip, Justin met Pamela, and AIDS victim.  Suffering, she had been cast out of her village and forced to live in a tiny shack.  Her husband had left her and taken her children away, blaming her for contracting HIV even though it was not her fault. Justin’s heart broke for Pamela as he heard her story, but he was hopeful because of her faith in Christ.  At this moment he thought, “This is why the church exists. To extend the love of Jesus to people like Pamela.”  

When Justin returned to Vanderbilt he started a non-profit called CARE for AIDS to mobilize Kenyan churches to care for families suffering from HIV and AIDS.  His Cru Bible study encouraged and affirmed him.  His roommate and friend, Nick, went a step further and agreed to be Justin’s first employee.  

As the friends graduated, Nick moved to Kenya to lay the foundation for the ministry’s work in partnership with local churches while Justin remained stateside to build the organization’s support base. God has allowed them to use the strategic leadership skills they learned in Cru to train Kenyan leaders to have a ministry.  These leaders have have ministered to thousands.  

Churches take people through a 9 month program that consists of spiritual and physical counseling, a food supplement, and training on how they can make a living and provide for themselves.  Their goal is that as their lives are transformed, the participants attribute that change to the Lord.   

Pamela’s life is one that has seen an amazing transformation.  Once shunned, now that she has gone through the program she has seen God do some amazing things.  She has become much healthier, has reunited with her family, and is even providing financially for them.  

To date, more than 4,500 families have come through the program with CARE for AIDS.  That means that more than 10,000 children now have a family to grow up with.  And now, close to 1,000 people have made a decision to follow Jesus Christ for the first time!  Watch the video Blair produced about them here.  Please pray for our initiative to send many more grads into the world like these!

Praises

- For Justin and Nick’s faithfulness to follow Christ

- The holistic fruitfulness of CARE for AIDS

- The privilege to play a small part in graduates’ ongoing ministries

Prayer Requests

- For the ministry of CARE for AIDS

- For seniors who are getting ready to graduate to hear from the Lord on the direction for their futures.

- Healing for 3 victims of human trafficking identified this month. One has yet to be rescued, so please pray!

Unity: February Prayer Update

Jesus prayed, “Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one.”  We are seeing an answer to His prayer in our city as over 40 churches have come together to fight human trafficking! 

Regardless of their theological opinions, all Christians can agree that modern-day slavery is evil.  Men and women are created in God’s image and deserve to be treated as such.  As a result, churches are looking for ways to engage in the fight.  It is so encouraging to see so many people with a desire to do justice in our community.  

This is why our anti-trafficking ministry, Florida Abolitionist, has created a church partnership program.  In the past few months, I have had the privilege of sitting down with a number of local pastors to hear their desires for their churches.  They all want to help end human trafficking but don’t know how.  

By partnering with Florida Abolitionist, we give them resources to educate their congregations, volunteer opportunities, outreach events, and other tangible ways of getting involved in the fight against modern-day slavery.  This allows their congregations to serve the Lord in our community.

One of our partner churches held a month-long campaign.  Each week, they invited a different expert to their church to speak about the issue.  Then they held a documentary screening to further inform their congregation.  After that month, many people came to the church leaders with a desire to continue to engage in the problem.  Now this team meets regularly and they are coming up with a plan for how their church can most effectively continue to engage in the fight locally.  

Some churches focus on directing funds towards victim services while others are volunteering their time.  One church is even making a plan to purchase and run a home that will be a shelter for survivors of trafficking to receive healing after their rescue!  

As God’s church bands together, the issues that plague our cities can be eradicated.  It has been wonderful to watch churches with differing theological viewpoints come together around this issue.   

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Praises:

• For a great turnout to the human trafficking awareness event in downtown Orlando last month!
• For the way God is cutting through theological differences to unite the church!
• For 3 victims of human trafficking rescued last month!

Prayer Requests:

• For unity among God's people to bring about His Kingdom purposes
• For continued favor from the Lord in the fight against human trafficking in the greater Orlando area
• For wisdom as we partner with churches to help them engage in the fight against trafficking

January Update: Following Jesus

After coming to Christ through Cru’s Destino movement at UT El Paso, Jenade grew in her faith and learned to share that faith with others.  She loved telling people about Jesus so she planned to join Cru staff after graduation.  However, she felt conflicted because she also thoroughly enjoyed her major, athletic training.  

As a result, God led her to take a year to intern as an athletic trainer to see what it was like.  During that year she asked the Lord to show her how He might use her as a trainer.  He answered her prayer by giving her opportunities to have spiritual conversations with athletes on a regular basis.  For the first time she saw how God could use her in a job she loved.  This was confirmation that the Lord was sending her to reach athletes for Him by working as an athletic trainer. Now she works at Central Michigan University where she has numerous opportunities to tell students about Jesus and build them up in their faith.  

One of these students was Jenna. Jenade began to mentor her soon after she started to follow Christ.  During their time together Jenade asked, “Is there someone you know who is interested in spiritual things?”  In fact, there was!  Jenna’s sister was also an athlete at the school and was very interested.  So they set up a time to meet with her.  To both of their surprise, after going through a simple gospel presentation, Jenna’s sister surrendered her life to the Lord!  

Jenade often tells the girls she mentors that she meets with them because people took time out of their busy schedules to meet with her when she was in college.  Because God’s people invested in her, she is now investing in others.  She believes that she has been sent to the campus to encourage others in Christ and share the gospel.  She says, “It’s what has changed my life and it would be awful if I did not share that same message with others.”  

Jenade is the kind of graduate we are working to send all over the world. Someone who follows Christ and makes Him known. It was a privilege to work with Jenade and produce a video that tells her story as an encouragement to students across the country.  Our desire is for students to watch it and say, “I could do that!” We pray that it will be a blessing to you as it has been to many others. Check it out at here! 

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Praises: 

•  For graduates like Jenade who honor the Lord in their workplaces!
•  For the 2 trafficking victims who were rescued last week in Orlando.
•  For the Lord's goodness to us, His children.

Prayer Requests:
•  January is National Human Trafficking Awareness Month. Please pray for the Lord to continue working to set free the millions of slaves in our world.  
•  Pray for 2 trafficking victims who were rescued last week in Orlando.  Pray for their healing and recovery from the trauma they endured.
•  Pray for Blair as he continues to cat vision for the many ways students can serve God by telling stories of graduates and producing videos.   

24 Rescued!

Awareness: The First Step to Freedom

Last week, authorities in South Florida rescued 24 Orlando kids ages 12-17 who were being forced to sell cheap items door-to-door.  They were dropped off alone in neighborhoods, picked up at the end of the night, and had every penny taken from them - all from an organization that claimed to be a charity!  Thankfully, these kids have been freed and their traffickers have been arrested thanks to people in the community who were aware of human trafficking and knew what to do. 

A friend of mine saw these children in Orlando just a few weeks ago, and he found it suspicious.  He got as much detail as possible and alerted law enforcement.  This began an investigation that eventually led to their freedom.  When law enforcement found them in South Florida, they were being transported in a single cargo van with plywood dividers blocking the doors to prevent their escape.  The threat of violence and being so far from home forced the children to comply with their traffickers’ demands.  This type of forced labor is becoming more common and happens right under our noses.  Thankfully, my friend knew what to do when he suspected something wasn’t right. 

 This is why one of the things we must do is raise awareness of the atrocity of modern-day slavery.  Last month, I had the opportunity to do just that by speaking to a high school of about 370 students.  These students need to know what is going on in their world both for their own protection and for the safety of their friends.  It was a privilege to share with them about slavery here and around the world and how they can keep themselves and their friends safe.  Many of them have become passionate about the issue and are continuing to learn how they can make a difference here and around the world.  

As our community becomes educated about the issue we all become equipped to make a difference in the lives of those being oppressed.  We take awareness seriously because it truly leads to freedom.  

For more details on the rescue, read the full article here.

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Light Sabers and Candy

 These days, our home is filled with little Jedi.  Our son loves Star Wars and everything related to it from Star Wars Legos to Angry Birds Star Wars.  If it has Star Wars on it, he likes it.  

Our little princess has followed suit by adding Princess Leia to the Disney Princesses she loves.  So, it was no surprise when the two of them wanted to be the twins - Luke Skywalker and Princess Leia - for Halloween this year.  It was a fun night in our neighborhood with friends.  

The kids are doing well.  Our Princess is enjoying preschool and ballet while Little Man is having fun with soccer and Cub Scouts.  So they’re keeping us busy, but it’s worth it to see them growing and learning new things!

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Praises

• God bringing rescue to the 24 kids from Orlando last week
• Opportunities to spread the word about human trafficking in area schools
• The blessing of children
• God’s faithfulness to us and our ministry

Prayer Requests

• Healing for those who were rescued
• God to move His people to act in fighting injustice around us
• Our continued adoption process - we’re still waiting!
• Our kids to grow in their love for Jesus

Don't Call the Fashion Police!

 In January of 2010, Chandler joined the world as we watched horrific images of destruction when a massive earthquake hit the poverty-stricken island of Haiti.  Soon after, she heard of an opportunity to travel there on a Cru summer project to help rebuild homes and lives.  She jumped at the opportunity.  Little did she know that it was her life that was going to be changed, perhaps the most, in the process. 

When she arrived in Haiti she came face to face with overwhelming physical hardship unlike anything she had ever seen.  However, as she met Haitian followers of Christ, she witnessed joy she could hardly comprehend.  While serving these wonderful people, she fell in love with them and vowed one day to return. 

Back on campus at the University of Texas, Chandler was studying fashion design and really loved it.  She dreamed of doing that type of work but also longed to make a difference in the lives of Haitians.  She wondered, “How could fashion help people rise out of poverty?”  While meeting with some missionaries from Haiti, the Lord gave Chandler an answer. 

Three months after graduating and getting married, she and her new husband moved to Port au Prince, Haiti where they work with Haitian Creations to empower locals to provide for their families through multiple business opportunities including producing jewelry and clothing. They see lives changed daily as they provide sustainable jobs for families who were once going hungry.

Lives of people like Yvetta and her family.   Yvetta was a single mother of three unhealthy boys.  Uneducated and impoverished, she needed to learn how to read and make a living.  First, she attended their literacy training, and then their jewelry training.  Now, she is not only able to read but has become an expert at crafting jewelry and has quite a business.  Her home, that was once a 5’ x 5’ cinderblock space without a bed for herself or her family, is now much larger with furniture for everyone.  Not only that, but her three sons are also in good health!  Through a sustainable job, God has used Chandler to help Yvetta change the future for her family.

Jesus said, “Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me” (Matt. 25:45).  Chandler is truly serving our Lord.

It is stories like Chandler’s that encourage us in the work we do - helping students experience God’s love and, as a result, follow Him wherever He leads after graduation.  We pray that every student would hear and respond to God’s call on their lives the way that Chandler has.  Please join us in that prayer!

Advocating for the Victim

 One of the greatest needs we have in freeing victims of trafficking is caring for them immediately after their rescue.  When this happens, it is incredibly important to establish trust.  It helps greatly when first-responders can give them a gift.  Many have never been given anything, especially for free, so when we provide a backpack with personal items and a gift card to buy more suitable clothes, it goes a long way.  These bags run about $150 each and can mean the difference between a victim getting help and returning to the streets.  If they trust those around them, they will testify against their trafficker and get help.  If not, their trafficker goes free and many times they will go right back to their abuser. 

Yesterday, the FA president, a member of law enforcement and I met with security leaders from the hotel and lodging association.  Tourism is the biggest market in Orlando.  It's also one of the reasons why trafficking exists in our city - people come here to have a good time and are willing to do whatever it takes to have it, even if it means exploiting children.

The officer who was with us has already trained many hotel managers of the signs of human trafficking because, let's face it, prostitution happens often in hotels and needs to be reported.  These leaders were eager to do more, so they asked us to share with them what else they can do to help.  As a result, they have agreed to supply 150 survivor backpacks!  This is a huge blessing and will supply the need for over a year.  Praise God!

Later that afternoon, we met with the city commissioner to ask him to help us better care for victims by providing the funds to hire a victim advocate.  This person would be present when victims are rescued and help establish trust immediately.  He agreed to help us develop the funding! 

We are working hard to ensure that as law enforcement does their part to identify and rescue trafficking victims, these kids receive the care they need in order to find complete restoration.  Please join me in praying that when victims are rescued, we will provide a loving response to help them immediately.